I took a break, and now I can feel the energy flowing again.
It felt important in a way. To take that pause to reflect and create some space for afterthought and maturity to happen. To me it also came with a calm to consider in what direction I’m heading. I will admit, it wasn’t part of the plan, but sometimes you’re allowed to run free. Now more than ever, I know that this is me.
It was a natural pause in my painting to prepare for the exhibition, which gave a longing to create again. Just as I had hoped, but never dared to expect. I rather anticipated living in a vacuum a couple of weeks after, not knowing my next step. It turned out the other way around, perhaps because the exhibition exceeded my wildest dreams.
Where I normally felt uneasy about knowing if a painting was done or not, I now have a new confidence and much less of that dull anxiety. I needed to spread my wings and try them out. I have more knowledge now. On whom my customers are, but also what paintings have attracted them. I have come to find that there is a painting for everyone. Or the other way around; a buyer for every painting. As long as the two find each other, it can be love.
I’m so crazy touched by the love from all near and dear ones that came to visit me and encouraged me that weekend. My heart is flooding. You know the feeling when you are moved, like when they play that song from the 80’s that you love... the arm hair rises and the throat chokes.
Well, my entire weekend consisted of those emotions while talking to my friends and family and so many new acquaintances. We spoke about art, and how we connected art to emotions or interpretations of art. A feeling of confidence that meant something extra to a friend, and I realize that both I and the painting was part of that experience. I was connected with the universe that weekend, hippyish but amazing. Or maybe it wasn’t the universe, but pure human connection. The sort of connection I sometimes feel I don’t need, when I have enough with my own company. But that I now understand that I can’t live without. It makes me strong and vulnerable and that my friends is the real stuff.
What struck me the most was that the paintings that gave me the least trouble making, the ones where I have been true to my style and things had just kept on going; those were the ones that got sold directly. I will take this with me and try to bring it out every time I paint now. Without hesitation.
A new phase for me, in so many ways. My first exhibition finally done, I have a good work setup with half time employment and painting the rest of the time. Time itself is no longer infinite and I am no longer completely free. It takes more structure and logistics to make everything I have planned out. And committed to.
I have started to collect new names of paintings. There is a new theme in me, and the words and expressions I am drawn to is a reflection of this. I pick up my old notes of the paintings I never got around to paint then. I will paint them now. I know what will look good and I will start right away. Creativity is knocking on the door, asking if I’m game?
Outside the air is clear and the colors are like magic. There is a sense of things slowing down a bit, and I have a new chance to keep up. I want to develop my painting and take new steps. At the same time I want to complete the paintings I have promised to do, which is a whole new experience in itself. It’s motivating and it suits me so well right now.
Just as I hoped I feel the fresh air around me. It’s fall.
My canvas is blank and I’m ready.