I don't want to fit in - I want to belong

Carefully prepared. And cohesive. This is what I want for the paintings I’m painting right now, that they will go well together. Match. Both the paintings with each other, but also with the surroundings and what is found next to them. I want the paintings to be part of a context. Each of them strong enough to stand on its own two feet, but while zooming out - I want them to look as if they are part of a family.

Which they are.

In the beginning I just paint. Casually. Some paintings are straight from ideas that came to me in one way or another. I'm also inviting the planning phase to the table. It will make sure that I don't lose track of any of the really good ideas. It also plays an important part in the big picture,and points out where I need to add a certain type of painting, or color. To create the balance I'm looking for. 

I make some choices but I don't disregard much at this point. Something very interesting might appear, if I have the courage to keep, and package it in a different way. If I can find a new way to introduce the painting that is the black sheep...

I don't want to paint to make paintings fit in - It doesn't work like that. My wish instead is for them to form the cohesion along with everything else. And hopefully end up in moving someone.

So, what do I need to do to make that happen?

Well, I'm not sure yet. But I read somewhere that when a person tries to force herself to fit into a context, it can create this itch, which can start to hurt. But if she is allowed to belong, and to make her surroundings richer because of her presence and character, then we can start to see new angles. New advantages and gains. 

It takes a very strong and confident context to really see how a person can contribute, instead of striving to adjust her to fit in the crowd of likes. This message stuck with me.

Isn't much easier to be flexible and adjustable? Then I won't have to worry of others thinking I'm high maintenance and difficult. When I fly under the radar. But am I happy? Happy from being nice and adaptable? Will there be a special price for the nicest after all?

I keep coming back to the question - what is it that I want?

After a lot of reflection I start to see the hints. It's in my actions, the way my mind reasons, what I keep whining about when I'm out of hope. There is a purpose to all of that. I already know the answer.

So I try to stay true to my dream, and not to conform into the ordinary path again. I want to paint, and I want to make you react. I want to surprise and come up with something new. Something unexpected. A color, a texture or a new name. I might even throw in a story to go with, to paint the background in words.

Cherry on top.

It's clear that I find my drive in painting for a specific target. Like an exhibition or a commission, or to create a portfolio of paintings to display when someone stops by my house. I don't go for predictable, and even though my collection can't be too all over the place, it must have that edge. 

If I succeed this time, there will be a signature piece thrown in there to mix it up and to balance it out at the same time. Its purpose solely to create a whole and to spread its wings around it all. To make sure the paintings are anchored with their new environment.

It won't all go together. Like people who don't get along. But that's ok. It's the way it is. It's my job to lay the puzzle.

All in its own time.
Every person has her own path.
She just have to find that cherry.